God, as you are probably already aware, really hates those Fundamentalists. I mean, who wouldn't?
God is an invisible pink elephant that lives under an olive tree in the front yard of a gay couple in the northern part of Palm Springs, CA. But of course, this much is obvious, since all of those billions and billions of stars certainly did not just pop out of nowhere. If they had, there probably would have been some sort of a bang. It might have been a big bang. I haven't heard any big bangs, have you? So that proves it.
Pinky, that's God's name you know, Pinky does not like Fundamentalists. First of all, they all worship this stupid Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy that is supposed to live outside of the Universe or something. DUH! And it's a pretend human. What the hell have humans got to do with being God, nothing, nothing at all.
God lives, as we already told you once, under an olive tree in the front yard of a house belonging to two queers in Palm Springs, California, USA. It's a desert climate there, so Pinky likes hanging out under that tree. It's a lovely tree.
So, I think we mentioned that God Hates Fundamentalists. You see, they are just such a bunch of dishonest, manipulative lying bastard fucktards.
Take our typical Fundamentalist type, shown on the left. He acts all nice and holy, even pious, well self-righteous. OK he's arrogant. Alright, if you really want the absolute truth, he's a fucking asshole, OK?
He's all Jeebus this, and Jeebus that, and Fags are going to hell. Then he goes out, gets high on meth, and porks the heck out of his gay male prostitute fuck buddy. Or is it fuck employee? Fuck contractor? Hmm, he does not seem to be a member of the congregation. Even Pinky, as big as she is, couldn't create a pile of shit bigger than this holy Fundamentalist preacher. You see, that's what pisses Pinky off so much about these gol darn Fundamentalist types.
Hypocrisy? Man, this clown has got it in spades. He campaigns against the civil rights of gay people during the day, for big bucks too, then he goes out and promotes the Fundamentalist agenda with his boyfriend. Oh wait, maybe it is one of those other agendas he is really promoting. It's enough to give an elephant deity diarrhea, and that ain't pretty at all.
Then there is the secret gay pimp, Fred Phelps. This girlfriend has got to be the biggest closet case since Adam went on a date with Steve and kept it from Eve.
Phelps' message is simple: God hates most everybody and He's sending them all to hell. Makes no difference how they lived their life.
For the Fundamentalist Phelps, except for a handful of 'elect', the human race is composed of depraved beasts. He claims that God hates these creatures and so do His favored few, the psychotic lawyers of his clan. Fred claims that the world is divided sharply and irreversibly between the multitude of the already-damned (called the reprobate or the Adamic Race) and those chosen by God to attend Him in heaven. Those selected to be elect were tapped, not for the rectitude of their lives, but by what could best be described as the Supreme Whim of the Deity.
Recently, Fred Phelps has added a corollary to this thesis that God hates the human race: God reserves His most pure and profound hatred for the homosexuals among the Adamic race. He never talks much anymore about the boy he dated in high school.
Well, Pinky has some news for Fred Phelps, and it might be startling too. God hates you, sweetheart, and your brainwashed family of vampire lawyers too. You are a Fundamentalist, Freddy dear, and Pinky has no time for Fundamentalists.
So get out of town. We want to hear that you're not in Kansas anymore. And don't try to blame it on Toto, or a hurricane, or on some anonymous witch. It's you Fred, and you're a bitch.
Pinky knows about what a dirtbag you are, Fred, beating your own children. Mark Phelps feels nauseated whenever he remembers that night. He was hit over 60 times and his brother, Nate, over 200 with a mattock handle. Nate went into shock. Mark didn't. A boy who became a compulsive counter to handle the stress, Mark counted every stroke. His and Nate's. While their father screamed obscenities and his brother screamed in pain. Every 20 strokes, their mother wiped their faces off in the tub. Nate passed out anyway. That was Christmas Day.
Pinky does not like Fundamentalists very much. Who the heck would?
